We will begin this section by considering the position of those who are
single at the point of baptism. We have discussed in Study 5.3 the need to
marry only baptised believers. There are a few passages which encourage
those who are single at least to consider the option of remaining single so
as to commit themselves totally to the Lord’s work (1 Cor. 7:7-9,32-38 cf. 2
Tim. 2:4; Mt. 19:11,12,29; Ecc. 9:9). “But even if you do marry, you have
not sinned” (1 Cor. 7:28). Most, if not all, of the apostles were married (1
Cor. 9:5), and marriage as God intended is designed to bring many physical
and spiritual benefits. “Marriage should be honoured by all, and the
marriage bed kept pure” (Heb. 13:4 NIV). “It is not good that ... man should
be alone”, unless he can manage a high level of commitment to spiritual
things, and therefore God instituted marriage (Gen. 2:18-24). Therefore, “He
who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord ... a
prudent wife is from the Lord”. (Prov. 18:22; 19:14)
We are given a
balanced summary of the position in 1 Cor. 7:1,2 NIV: “It is good for a man
not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have
his own wife, and each woman her own husband” (cf. v 9).
The implication
of these verses is that indulgence of sexual desires outside marriage is
fornication. Warnings against immorality are frequent throughout the New
Testament; almost every letter contains them. The following are but some of
these: Acts 15:20; Rom. 1:29; 1 Cor. 6:9-18; 10:8; 2 Cor. 12:21; Gal. 5:19;
Eph. 5:3; Col. 3:5; 1 Thes. 4:3; Jude 7; 1 Pet. 4:3; Rev. 2:21.
In the
light of all this repeated emphasis, to fly in the face of God’s clearly
expressed will is serious indeed. Paul frequently spelt this out: “...
sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery ... and the like. I warn you, as
I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the Kingdom of
God” (Gal. 5:19,21 NIV), therefore “Flee from sexual immorality (cf. 2 Tim.
2:22). All other sins that a man commits are outside his body, but he who
sins sexually sins against his own body” (1 Cor. 6:18 NIV).
Biblically,
marriage is comprised of at least three elements.
1. Some form of
marriage ceremony, however simple. The record of Boaz marrying Ruth in Ruth
3:9-4:13 shows that marriage is not a relationship which is just drifted
into; there must be a specific moment when one becomes fully married. Christ
is likened to the bridegroom and the believers to the bride, whom he will
‘marry’ at his second coming. There will be “the marriage supper of the
Lamb” to celebrate this (Rev. 19:7-9). The relationship between husband and
wife typifies that between Christ and the believers (Eph. 5:25-30); as there
will be a definite point of marriage between us, so there should be a
wedding between believers which begins their marriage, typifying the union
of Christ and ourselves at the judgment seat.
2. God’s marriage to Israel
involved entering into a mutual spiritual covenant of faithfulness to each
other (Ez. 16:8), and this should also feature in the marriage of believers.
3. Sexual intercourse is necessary to consummate the marriage (Dt. 21:13;
Gen. 24:67; 29:21; 1 Kings 11:2). Because of this, 1 Cor. 6:15,16 explains
why intercourse outside of marriage is so wrong. Intercourse signifies, in
physical terms, how God has joined a wedded couple together (Gen. 2:24).
Those who are baptised, whilst their partner is not, should not leave them
(1 Cor. 7:13-15), but rather make every effort to love them, and thus show
by their manner of life that they have a genuine belief in the true God,
rather than just having changed religions. 1 Pet. 3:1-6 encourages those in
this position that doing this can, in itself, be a means of converting the
unbelieving partner.
“A man (shall) leave his father and mother and be
joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). This
striving for unity between man and wife in as many ways as possible is
analogous to our continuous effort for unity with Christ. This striving is
against ourselves rather than against Christ or our partner. The more we
succeed in this, the happier and more fulfilling our relationship will be.
However, we are living in a real world of sin and failure, of inability to
rise up fully to the supreme standards of holiness which are set us in the
Bible, and in the example of the love of God and of Christ.
Believers
must be prepared to accept that sometimes this standard will not be attained
both in their own lives and in those of other believers. Husbands and wives
may argue and lose that unity of mind which they should have; it may be
physically impossible to consummate the marriage; a man may have several
wives, taken before his baptism, if living in a society where polygamy is
allowed. In this case he should remain with the wives and care for them, but
not take any more. The apostle Paul, in a masterful blend of human sympathy
and staunch adherence to Divine principles, advised that separation was
possible in extreme cases of incompatibility: “... a wife is not to depart
from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried ...”
(1 Cor. 7:10-11).
This stating of an ideal standard, but willingness to
accept a lower standard as long as it does not flout a basic Divine
principle (e.g. that adultery is wrong), is quite a common feature of
Scripture. Paul’s advice in 1 Cor. 7:10-11 is akin to 1 Cor. 7:27,28: “...
Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife (i.e. remain single). But
even if you do marry, you have not sinned”. Christ’s words are painfully
plain:
“But from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and
female. ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be
joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’, so then they are no
longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not
man separate... whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits
adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries
another, she commits adultery” (Mk. 10:6-12).